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All around me there are holes, gaps and openings. I am tempted to choose one of them, randomly. I might fall into one of the depths and have to await the consequences, but looking at the danger was a greater torture for my mind. I close my eyes and continue walking blindly, prepared for the fall. One step. I am still moving on the solid ground. Two, three, four… walking on a hard path. I'm trying to keep my eyes closed while walking forward. Putting my hands on the ground and crawling. Becoming dizzy from my own movements. Losing orientation.

There is a map forming in my head like a reflection of the World of Holes, but now every single particle of this world is connected to every other particle. If I touch one, my action changes all others too. I am immersed in the Light World. A world without solidity, and a world based on my movements. With every step, the whole world changes. With every turn of my head, the structure disappears, just to reappear again a few moments later, drastically changed. Adapted to my focus. Can I ever find the way back?

I force myself not to look, but touch my predestined path, and browse the tactile maps of the nature around me. Every touch is more than a dialogue, it's a mutual exploration and attraction of my skin and the surfaces of the world. My body is entirely submerged in the environment, as I move rhythmically across the ground. I search for the holes: the exits from this dry, cracked landscape. Touching the surfaces, crawling over invisible animals, grasses, stones, dirt. I feel the dust mingling through my hair, creating moving patterns of undulating stripes and dots…

I feel the edges of unknown objects; some of them are soft and flexible, some malleable, like sand and dirt, and others are sharper than blades. I'm cutting myself on the unknown. Smells like metal. Metal and blood and moss. I'm touching around the space, looking for a watery surface to wash away the rust… Smells like rusted metal… I don't dare opening my eyes and inspecting the wounds. I could see the particles of rust rushing through my tissues, and I couldn't stop them from passing through the transparent membranes. Now, I'm blindly waiting for the consequences. Becoming increasingly dependent on metal.

The Light World inside my eyes would disappear, if the external light would find its way through my lashes. The pain of the brightness falling onto my eyes would force me to spread the eyelids. The Light World would fade, becoming an abstract painting overlaying reality: the World of Holes. I'd let the blue escape my iris, and all the unknown colors would become shades of blue. Turning both spaces into an undefined world without limits and borders: into monochromatic lapis-lazuli-blue.

I am not ready to let go of the world, where the exits still exist. They are clearly marked as patterns of force, that punched holes in the environment, long ago. They exist as non-objects, as possibilities of becoming something. The holes are filled with potential energy. They comfort me, as I know that I can always escape, when the world turns against me. There I can temporarily disappear. Start over. Learn from my mistakes, but not drown in them. Maybe I can pass through, to another reality. I can rebuild my life on another plane, as if my identity has been washed away. Until another hole.

In the blue, I can't find the escape exits out of this experience. They might even vanish radically, filled with the substance of blue. All would become a movement of the color, mutable from light to dark, drawing lives after itself. It would seduce matter into the infinite: into the landscape of freedom. Climbing across layers of my illusion, I aimed at that freedom, but was too self-absorbed to reach it. And now that it offers itself to me, I am scared. There is no end to the endless!

I'm holding tight to the physical objects, sending electric impulses through the Light World, and waiting for the known reply… I'm searching for solidity through innumerable digits, deciphering the codes… Finding nothing more than an explosion of the known center. In the newborn map inside my eyes, everything became a zero, a hole. A center in everything and no center whatsoever. The cause of my adventure disintegrated on numerous paths. Every choice is wrong, for it leads to more of nothing. Everything known becomes structured in dynamic graphs, changing the shape and the meaning with my every movement. Am I trapped in someone else's illusion?

Increasingly losing control. Even the objects I touch seem merely a stress of Quintessence, capable of mutation, every moment of their existence. Did the metal in my flesh cause this change of my perception, of my feelings and sensory experiences? The environment becomes a dance of pentagrams, periodically returning to the solid shapes and from time to time disappearing in ether.

I open my mouth, filling it with the taste of rusted blood. The oxygen is clinging to my blood cells, changing the chemical structure of my being. It penetrates all security codes and breaks them open. I am becoming a mass of rusted metal, held together by minute crystals of salt, becoming less of my own body, and more a sum of elements reacting on each other.

I stop moving forward and start turning around my own axis. My world turned inside out. I am thrown outside myself and the world entered inside me. I can see the corrosion of my flesh, and the melting of my bones, caused by this violent penetration. While finishing the turn, I humbly beg for my being, and the world releases the mutant body, allowing me to experience the change.

I rush inside my body. A strange world of my interiority reveals itself to me. Overwhelmed by its energy, I circle around the wondrous environments. The rusted organs were cleansed by a rush of released energetic fluids. Gradually, the fluids flood the metals, and I find my intestines dispersed in a flux.

I am revealing the secrets of my hidden realities, and finding the answers to long buried questions. All paradoxes, coincidences and accidents form a big puzzle. The smaller occurrences converge through time into bigger chunks of memory. The known and the unknown are becoming tangibly interconnected, searching for the union. The connections between them burning in the rays of cold crystal fires, newly freed from the dark layer of rust. This is the core of my Light World. Connected to all things past, and to all things that have yet to come.

The environment is disappearing, becoming a matrix of the invisible time. I feel its circulations both inside and outside my being, showing the way for the heat to ascend from my body and join another me, outside me… A compression of me, my essence. The movement is colored in blue. The air around me warms up, but the color remains cold. The two selves becoming one, swarming as shadows, darkening the blue with their smoky depths. Passing through the numerous dimensions of the matrix, then coming back to me, surrounding me with their knowledge.

Strange shaped parasites are invading my being. Some of them have always used me as their fertile habitat, but were unborn until this moment. They change the blue into green… and then into yellow, and into an explosion of colors. My skin vibrates, seemingly trying to break out of the present moment and of the actual space… becoming viral.

The colors boil from the source of my heat. The flesh, the metals and the crystals melt into a formless hybrid of me and the environment. Borders are loosening, vaporizing through bubbles of colors and fluid. The lightness and the transparency of this world render it unreal. All is bodiless, not subjected to any material force, it all changes states from visible to invisible. The edges of objects transformed into bubbles, bubbles into drops, drops into steam and steam into nothing. A continuos motion of distances.

My feet are not moving, but the circular motion continues… through my body, changing its shapes into transparent spirals. The motion continues, and the spirals dissolve in the larger movements in the environment. And I begin moving forward, fearless, spiraling in irregular patterns towards my goal. From blue to purple to red, from the earth to the moon to the sun to the stars.

I open my eyes, dripping the colors into the World of Holes, falling into an opening. Falling, and falling, and reaching the abyss, finally plunging into the water. The subtle touches of the moisture force me to localize my diluted body. I regain sight and admire the liquid environment mirrored in the water: a realm of morphing identities and structures, from the World of Light to the World of Holes.

The water slowly started ebbing. The mirrored projections of the Light World and of the World of Holes touched the ground, shifting from virtual to real. The light separated from the dry grounds, and I found myself at the position I left some experiences ago. Walking forward, and crawling blindly, in a search of an unknown passage.

light_world_story.txt · Last modified: 2007/06/12 14:56 (external edit)