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This page is the informal log of my transiency process, in reverse chronological order. | This page is the informal log of my transiency process, in reverse chronological order. | ||
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+ | 23 January- 13 March | ||
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+ | My transiency last year started by participating as a performer in the NMI event in Brussels. It was fun to create something with a group in such a short time, but i remember feeling that even if i'm not in the field anymore how easy it is for me to enter it, compose and perform. I found it not challenging enough. | ||
+ | Related: [[http:// | ||
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+ | I thought it was a good way to end the transiency by organising a retreat for performers myself. For an extended weekend, 10 Lithuanian artist from an experimental stage/art field gathered at FoAM to discuss politics of culture in our own land, but most importantly, | ||
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+ | The last month of my transiency was very bumpy. I worked very hard to insure i have activities planned to self sustain financially but also to fill up the gap of FoAM activities not being there. I over planned, i over worked, i over multitasked. And doing all that in the dark winter time when my energy is at the lowest! When i started the transiency of course i thought that by the end of it i would be flying. In reality i was like never before digging deep into the cold, wet and dark soil of my own personality. Stripping layer after layer of my habits, securities, friendships, | ||
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+ | I think i need a towel now. | ||
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+ | A full year of doing nothing. | ||
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+ | <...the concept of “intellectual work” may be traced back and explored in terms of various historical sources. It implies, in the first place, a very definite view of the mode and manner of man's intellectual knowledge. What happens when we look at a rose? What do we do as we become aware of colour and form? Our soul is passive and receptive. We are, to be sure, awake and active, but our attention is not strained; we simply “look”-- in so far , that is, as we “contemplate” it and are not already “ observing” it. Observation is a tense activity; which is what Ernst Junger meant when he called seeing an “act of aggression”. To contemplate, | ||
+ | J. Pieper “Leisure The basis of culture” | ||
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+ | Last year for me was like going to school. Without a teacher, clear goals or a particular program. Even i chucked my initial “to do” list away very early in the process and decided to go with the flow, i've achieved so much more then estimated in the beginning. First of all i read so much more. Books, articles, ted talks.... Reading brought me to research the topics or ideas that i read about, encouraged to do experiments with photos and paint or dried tea leaves. I tried out recipes that i never tried before, tasted products that didn't i know they existed. I realised what i'm good at, what i need to work on and what i completely suck at. | ||
+ | Second of all by having time to contemplate on things i can now formulate much more clearly what i do as an adviser and what i can call my artistic practice. | ||
+ | Thirdly- trying things out with smaller and bigger groups gave me confidence as a facilitator and organiser and clarified what gives me energy and what sucks it out. Because of that i can say “No” to things easier and explain nicely to people why i give negative answer. | ||
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+ | It wasn't a year long holiday. It wasn't a year long pleasure. It was hard work with many ups and downs. As for now i wish i could continue having a transiency year over and over again. Thank you FoAM for such an opportunity. | ||
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+ | 08 - 22 January | ||
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+ | Strange feeling. This year starts exactly the same like a few previous ones at FoAM. Dealing with people in the studio, taking care of plants when no one is around, organising Mus-e trajectory and so on. Feeling strange because even if all looks the same - it isn't. There are no clear FoAM projects on the horizon. Maja & Nik are and will be traveling which means absent a lot. And even a question of getting paid for the days at work will depend on the money raised from rentals. Not a problem so far. I have secured some financial stability by outside FoAM engagements. But it is a very mixed feeling when i have to be in the studio 2-3 days a week without knowing how much funds will that generate. | ||
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+ | Regarding rentals i push for long term contracts rather than short ones with the hope that in this way it will become more self sustaining and will need less of my engagement. I might be wrong here. We will see. | ||
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+ | Mus-e - this year i will be working with 3 classes. It is nice to have such a trust from the organisation. We had a long talk last autumn with the core team of Mus-e where i also raised what the weak or heavy points from our collaboration are. Previous years i mainly struggled with the communication with them. So this time we started talking with schools and teachers a lot earlier and there was always a Mus-e representative present in making the planning and explaining the trajectory guidelines. It makes a huge difference. Teachers are more comfortable hearing not only my ideas but also what the larger picture and the purpose of such practice is. | ||
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+ | 02 - 08 January | ||
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+ | "The line recasts itself, pulls in toward the skin unbuckling the knot in my ribs, an aperture shuttering the empty sweep again and again and again. The word falls out of focus" | ||
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+ | 19 December- 01 January | ||
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+ | Last few weeks of the year became very prickly. I've put it in my agenda as the weeks of doing nothing and was really looking for time to spend not thinking about FoAM, studio or any work related matters. But it was naive to think that all the core team in Brussels can disappear at the same time. Especially when the decision to give up contract for the studio came so late in the year and so many loose ends was left unsolved or drifted into the unknown. I've spend last days of the year negotiating for several renting possibilities, | ||
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+ | Ironically enough in our last conversation with Maja we talked that in our transiency somehow we are following the graph of the funeral ritual introduced to us by Barbara. And while Maja said she is still “re-killing the dead” i on the other side felt like going up already. The last weeks i had to “re-kill the dead” so many times that i started doubting if the going up stage will come soon at all. | ||
+ | Perhaps this year of lying fallow opened so many things in us that we became very fragile. Any prickles from outside gets very deep in and wakes up demons that were asleep for a long long time. | ||
+ | As FoAM we supported so many people to go trough their residencies and transitions or even personal problems. I remember our members last year offering to guide us trough our transiency. I have to say apart from a few very short conversations about how it is going, no one took an initiative to organise any feedback session, transiency conversation or even a lunch or dinner for us. Any transition related action came from us! What does that say? Do we look so strong or unreachable from outside that people think we don't need any support? Are we so intimidating that people are scared to approach us? Are our demons (and i would not like to generalise here- my demons are most probably very different from those of Maja's or Nik's and don't even ask me about FoAM demons...) too scary to be recognised and touched? Didn't people around us learned how to host, support and listen to the individuals in transition? Or no one just cares about what happens? | ||
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+ | I met winter solstice by sitting in the hot sauna in Spa and watching sun setting over the Belgian hills. It is amazing how winter turns everything in black and white picture. As if our eyes looses capability to recognise colours. So perhaps is normal to see things so monochromic and contrasting each other at this time of the year and at this stage of the transiency. Lets wait for spring. Lets wait for light. Lets wait for colour. | ||
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+ | 14 November-18 December | ||
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+ | Someone once said "You have to write when nothing is happening" | ||
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+ | It was also an important month in the FoAM transiency. Even when all of the core team was in Brussels we didn't manage to meet for more in depth conversations. And even if we did, we were interrupted by many things to do in between. Like never before i had to remind my self one of the Open Space principles - " | ||
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+ | For my self i want to concentrate on working with several performing artists as mentor as well as investigate if i could get a grant or some funding to develop a "tool box" to guide a creative process for autistic people. I believe they have greater creative potential but most of the time they get thought primitive techniques for some simple activities rather than guiding them to think and create what their imagination tells them. So far my short interventions with the group in Geel has been immensely rewarding. We didn't do much. Most of the time just walking, stopping, observing, trying to talk about it. I had to realise that ordinary facilitation techniques don't work for such groups. There is no core to address to, its a group of individuals that has completely different relation to every little step you take. And all of their observations and feelings has to be noticed and accommodated. Nevertheless when a safe environment is created and the task is very clear they do play by the rules with enormous honesty and commitment. But what touches me most is the beauty of every person involved. Some of them are older and found some ways to deal with their shortcomings, | ||
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+ | 7 - 13 November | ||
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+ | What a week! The autumn strongly announced its presence. It is cold and rainy and dark and wet and depressing...Feels like the working season is reaching its height. Everyone is super busy and showing each other colourful agendas. | ||
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+ | I'm busy too. Too busy for a year of transiency you could say. Currently dealing with 3 different rentals. One of which is a total communication disaster... So bad that i think i've reached transition point. I don't want to deal with such things anymore... From next year on i wont do any catering for large groups. Rental only is complicated enough. On the other hand when things don't go well in some ways it motivates me to do my part even better than i ever thought i could. In this case i made sure that the food was so delicious and i was so nice to everyone that in the closing speech the facilitator bursted in tears when he mentioned the hosting, space and food. | ||
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+ | Some positive things too. With a small Hosting group we went to the forest. I guided a short walk introducing different values that some trees stands for. Such as: Oak for traveling back in time and complexity, Hazelnut and Elder for magic and healing, Hornbeam for strength, Alder for Resistance and Future, Larch for simplicity and reproduction and Beech for fragility, beauty and caring. I like trees, i like stories about it and i like telling those stories. I see a potential for such walks working as group coaching or team building. | ||
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+ | This is from the book " The Secret Life of Trees" by Peter Wohlleben | ||
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+ | "Why are trees such social beings? Why do they share food with their own species and sometimes even go so far as to nourish their competitors? | ||
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+ | Every tree, therefore, is valuable to the community and worth keeping around for as long as possible. And that is why even sick individuals are supported and nourished until they recover. Next time, perhaps it will be the other way round, and the supporting tree might be the one in need of assistance. | ||
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+ | A tree can be only as strong as the forest that surrounds it." | ||
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+ | For a few weeks i've been exploring the possibilities of my new old Nikon F4 and getting more familiar with the many buttons and what it can do. I like it. Very slowly we start to understand each other. I feel it is a beginning of a good and long relationship... | ||
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+ | Rebecca Solnit "A field guide to getting lost" | ||
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+ | For a while i've been taking photos from train windows. Last week i had to travel very early in the morning, just when the sun was coming up and light was not yet visible by the naked eye. This is my attempt to capture the feeling of slow transformation from darkness to light. | ||
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+ | Some beautiful landscapes by Iris Hutegger. She found a brilliant way to merge photography and sewing https:// | ||
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I also want to experiment a lot more with the idea of a portrait. Reading about old methods where in order to be photographed a person had to paint it self white, sit for at least 15-30 min in the same position and put up with different lamps facing you gives me some ideas. It sounds like an cleansing ritual followed by a meditation. I'm preparing a series of workshop for young autistic people under the theme of self-portrait. While now the self portrait associates so much with an instant selfie i would like to try doing it the old way but using more up to date equipment and see what the result of that would be and what impact it would have on the person sitting for it. | I also want to experiment a lot more with the idea of a portrait. Reading about old methods where in order to be photographed a person had to paint it self white, sit for at least 15-30 min in the same position and put up with different lamps facing you gives me some ideas. It sounds like an cleansing ritual followed by a meditation. I'm preparing a series of workshop for young autistic people under the theme of self-portrait. While now the self portrait associates so much with an instant selfie i would like to try doing it the old way but using more up to date equipment and see what the result of that would be and what impact it would have on the person sitting for it. | ||
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+ | Some works of long exposure portraits by Sebastian Palmer https:// | ||
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The week ended in Brussels with a delightful design session for a ritual with Barbara, Maja and Ingrid. I like this kind of work. It is very creative, being able to build on each others ideas and something so meaningful as wel. | The week ended in Brussels with a delightful design session for a ritual with Barbara, Maja and Ingrid. I like this kind of work. It is very creative, being able to build on each others ideas and something so meaningful as wel. | ||
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