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This page is the informal log of my transiency process, in reverse chronological order. | This page is the informal log of my transiency process, in reverse chronological order. | ||
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+ | 23 January- 13 March | ||
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+ | My transiency last year started by participating as a performer in the NMI event in Brussels. It was fun to create something with a group in such a short time, but i remember feeling that even if i'm not in the field anymore how easy it is for me to enter it, compose and perform. I found it not challenging enough. | ||
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+ | I thought it was a good way to end the transiency by organising a retreat for performers myself. For an extended weekend, 10 Lithuanian artist from an experimental stage/art field gathered at FoAM to discuss politics of culture in our own land, but most importantly, | ||
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+ | The last month of my transiency was very bumpy. I worked very hard to insure i have activities planned to self sustain financially but also to fill up the gap of FoAM activities not being there. I over planned, i over worked, i over multitasked. And doing all that in the dark winter time when my energy is at the lowest! When i started the transiency of course i thought that by the end of it i would be flying. In reality i was like never before digging deep into the cold, wet and dark soil of my own personality. Stripping layer after layer of my habits, securities, friendships, | ||
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+ | I think i need a towel now. | ||
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+ | A full year of doing nothing. | ||
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+ | <...the concept of “intellectual work” may be traced back and explored in terms of various historical sources. It implies, in the first place, a very definite view of the mode and manner of man's intellectual knowledge. What happens when we look at a rose? What do we do as we become aware of colour and form? Our soul is passive and receptive. We are, to be sure, awake and active, but our attention is not strained; we simply “look”-- in so far , that is, as we “contemplate” it and are not already “ observing” it. Observation is a tense activity; which is what Ernst Junger meant when he called seeing an “act of aggression”. To contemplate, | ||
+ | J. Pieper “Leisure The basis of culture” | ||
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+ | Last year for me was like going to school. Without a teacher, clear goals or a particular program. Even i chucked my initial “to do” list away very early in the process and decided to go with the flow, i've achieved so much more then estimated in the beginning. First of all i read so much more. Books, articles, ted talks.... Reading brought me to research the topics or ideas that i read about, encouraged to do experiments with photos and paint or dried tea leaves. I tried out recipes that i never tried before, tasted products that didn't i know they existed. I realised what i'm good at, what i need to work on and what i completely suck at. | ||
+ | Second of all by having time to contemplate on things i can now formulate much more clearly what i do as an adviser and what i can call my artistic practice. | ||
+ | Thirdly- trying things out with smaller and bigger groups gave me confidence as a facilitator and organiser and clarified what gives me energy and what sucks it out. Because of that i can say “No” to things easier and explain nicely to people why i give negative answer. | ||
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+ | It wasn't a year long holiday. It wasn't a year long pleasure. It was hard work with many ups and downs. As for now i wish i could continue having a transiency year over and over again. Thank you FoAM for such an opportunity. | ||
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+ | 08 - 22 January | ||
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+ | Strange feeling. This year starts exactly the same like a few previous ones at FoAM. Dealing with people in the studio, taking care of plants when no one is around, organising Mus-e trajectory and so on. Feeling strange because even if all looks the same - it isn't. There are no clear FoAM projects on the horizon. Maja & Nik are and will be traveling which means absent a lot. And even a question of getting paid for the days at work will depend on the money raised from rentals. Not a problem so far. I have secured some financial stability by outside FoAM engagements. But it is a very mixed feeling when i have to be in the studio 2-3 days a week without knowing how much funds will that generate. | ||
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+ | Regarding rentals i push for long term contracts rather than short ones with the hope that in this way it will become more self sustaining and will need less of my engagement. I might be wrong here. We will see. | ||
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+ | Mus-e - this year i will be working with 3 classes. It is nice to have such a trust from the organisation. We had a long talk last autumn with the core team of Mus-e where i also raised what the weak or heavy points from our collaboration are. Previous years i mainly struggled with the communication with them. So this time we started talking with schools and teachers a lot earlier and there was always a Mus-e representative present in making the planning and explaining the trajectory guidelines. It makes a huge difference. Teachers are more comfortable hearing not only my ideas but also what the larger picture and the purpose of such practice is. | ||
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+ | 02 - 08 January | ||
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+ | "The line recasts itself, pulls in toward the skin unbuckling the knot in my ribs, an aperture shuttering the empty sweep again and again and again. The word falls out of focus" | ||
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- | Last few weeks of the year became very prickly. I've put it in my agenda as the weeks of doing nothing and was really looking for time to spend not thinking about FoAM, studio or any work related matters. But it was naive to think that all the core team in Brussels can disappear at the same time. Especially when the decision to give up contract for the studio came so late in the year and so many loos ends was left unsolved or drifted into the unknown. I've spend last days of the year negotiating for several renting possibilities, | + | Last few weeks of the year became very prickly. I've put it in my agenda as the weeks of doing nothing and was really looking for time to spend not thinking about FoAM, studio or any work related matters. But it was naive to think that all the core team in Brussels can disappear at the same time. Especially when the decision to give up contract for the studio came so late in the year and so many loose ends was left unsolved or drifted into the unknown. I've spend last days of the year negotiating for several renting possibilities, |
Ironically enough in our last conversation with Maja we talked that in our transiency somehow we are following the graph of the funeral ritual introduced to us by Barbara. And while Maja said she is still “re-killing the dead” i on the other side felt like going up already. The last weeks i had to “re-kill the dead” so many times that i started doubting if the going up stage will come soon at all. | Ironically enough in our last conversation with Maja we talked that in our transiency somehow we are following the graph of the funeral ritual introduced to us by Barbara. And while Maja said she is still “re-killing the dead” i on the other side felt like going up already. The last weeks i had to “re-kill the dead” so many times that i started doubting if the going up stage will come soon at all. |